The platinum touch

I just happened to see Mr. Longneck Jr. walking down the road. I asked him if he could tell me a story, or a legend. Well, he first listed all the stories he knew. “The rekoned redhead, Uni and the knight, the story of Ipep and Niddhoggr, and the platinum touch…” I wanted to hear a magical story so I asked for “The platinum touch”.

“Well”, he began, ” There once was a greedy king named King Platinumonio. He simply adored Platinum. And he loved being king because his crowns are made of platinum! When he was small, he liked music and flowers. But now, when he heard music, he heard platinum coins hitting each other. And when he looked at flowers, he imagined platinum baubles. And if there was something he liked better it was his daughter, Platinumessica. Platinumessica loved the royal pets, a platinum retriver, a snowy owl, a platinumfish, a platinum finch, and the cat, Platinumlocks. Once he woke up, after breakfast, he would play with Platinumessica for about 3 hours. Then he would go to the basement, where all his treasures were. There was a white apple, platinum trophies, platinum wands, platinum-covered plants, and millons upon millons of others. (I am NOT exaggerating.)

One day, as he looked into his platinum trophy, looking at his funny reflection and saying, ‘How happy am I!’ As he was going on to say ‘The wonderful life of King Platinumonio!’

He did not even say 3 words when a stranger said, ‘ Are you really happy?; I could grant you one wish.’ The king looked back to reveal a man with a large, thin, agony cape.

‘Are you?’ the man repeated. ” The man was too suprised to speak. “Yo do floccinaucinihilipipification.”

The king gathered his strength. “What?” He asked. “You do floccinokihilipifipication.” The man repeated. ” Yo useless cause you ain’t talkin’.” ” O.K. Enough jabbering. now I want…” He thought of the stories he had read, knowing not to be foolish.

“I am very bored at trying to gain platinum. I wish that everything I touched was platinum!”

“Well then,” said the stranger. ” Yo’ll find yo pow’r when first lite breaks through yo window.” With a blinding FLASH!! and BANG!! the stranger disappeared.

That night, he couldn’t sleep. He was too exited. The next morning, he (somehow) woke up. He noticed that his sheets had been turned into platinum thread! His alarm was ringing he turned it off, and it became platinum! He came down to eat breakfast. He held a hot potato. It became nice, hot PLATINUM LUMP! He tried some tea. It changed into Molten platinum!!

“Bleeccchh!!!” He yelled. Platinumlocks brushed his feet. It was solid platinum. Platinumlocks ran to him. She wanted to hug him and say “HELLO!” But when she was on the O! she turned into platinum.

The man appeared, for the second time. He samiled. “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW ?!?!”

He boomed. “No!No!Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! I have made a mistake. Can you reverse the spell?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!”

“Yes, If you follow these directions. You have to punch them to reverse the spell.” He eventually punched them and, after crying 973 cm of tears, they lived happily ever after.

Now whenever King Platinumonio sees platinum, he gets a huge stomachache. Then he loved gold and changed the people’s and animal’s names.

There was his daughter, Marigold. He painted the Platinumfish gold, and it became a goldfish, while he painted the dog, became a golden retreiver, painted the bird, became a goldfinch, and painted the cat.The cat HATED paint so… you get the idea. Well, the cat’s name is now Goldilocks.



Disclaimer: This story is adapted from The Golden Touch.

The End

1 Comment »

  1. Poogue Master said,

    February 10, 2006 @ 9:38 pm

    Some spelling errors [when, and an extra semicolon]. But most importantly, floccinokinihilipifipication is wrong. It should be spelled “floccinaucinihilipipification”.

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